[ ! ] The Sugarbuzz Project

I’m going to have to apologize in advance for this. It may sound more like I’m ranting, but I’m just so stressed out and I just had a disheartening realization.

My blogging and trying to make money is doing nothing to help my family. Nothing.

I would like to thank Bank of America for causing my bank to go into overdraft over $160 because of the ORDER in which they process items, and because their online banking window can still show a positive balance while in reality, behind the scenes, they are considering you to be overdrawn and NOT telling you about it (yes, I saved the conversations with their ’support’ that prove my statements).

This year I’ve made a fair amount of money with my blogging but have been forced to spend almost all of it on either fuel or food/drinks (mostly drinks) related to working my ‘real’ job which only pays $12.00 per hour. When you add the fact that now I apparently owe the bank money and cannot access the balance in my PayPal account any other way (yes, I just recently applied for their debit card), it’s hard to use the ‘extra money’ that is there.

I have two kids. A couple of weeks ago, my son got sick and had to go to the hospital. I make too much money for CHIPS, and I can’t afford insurance, so it put us in a bind. We have sold just about every book, CD, video game, etc. that we can get our hands on to try to make enough money for food and gas.

You know, sometimes I wish I were a Texas plastic surgery expert, I wouldn’t have to worry so much.

And yes, I’ve tried discussing cutting spending on things before. Since I have ZERO control of the cashflow around here, I am pretty much just written off or ignored outright. It makes people mad to hear what I have to say about the money because ‘I have no idea what goes on and how the bills work, and I shouldn’t worry about it.’

Blogging, for me, has become something I love to do because I have some kind of creative control over it. You know, since I sold my guitars. And, I know that I can make a little bit of spending money with it, even if it all gets spent on necessities.

Blogging helps me blow off a bit of steam. I enjoy being creative and getting paid for it.

In truth though, it really isn’t helping our situation any. I’m learning a lot reading other blogs, but in reality I’m not making enough money with it to actually help. Well, I am, but it is being spent on other, more pressing things, so I can’t save any of it.

It looks like I will reach that $500 goal for the year, but the laptop I was planning on getting will probably not be happening. Until it does, I’ll be blogging live from the abnormally hot garage.

I keep jokingly telling myself that ‘one day, my blogs will take off and I’ll make a decent supplemental income with them’. I’ve always been a bit naive, and I’m thinking that this is just another in a long series of stupid ideas that I will not be giving up any time soon because I believe I can do it.

I need to go back to college. I can’t, because I don’t have the time or money at the same time. Mostly, I don’t have the time. I can get the money. Grants will cover everything. But I also work a 12 hour night shift, and being a truck driver, I MUST be rested to safely do my job.

Meh. Some days I just hate being me.